STFU (warning explicit language throughout)

the-mad-woman_jpg!Large

The Mad Woman; Chaim Soutine, 1919; www.abcgallery.com

Influenced by Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Friday Music Prompt 31: I Can’t Escape Myself by The Sound.

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SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP

I scream at them, relentless, merciless

I try drowning them in booze,

but they can breathe without air

I try to bang them out against the wall

but my skull smashes before they do

I try to fry them out with LSD, MDA, hash

but they gain strength from the hallucinations

I try poisoning them, destroying me to kill them

but I spit the pills out – hell is too close; I can taste it

SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP

I double over crying; physical pain from their putrid whisperings

They speak the bitter, hard truths; the shit I don’t want to hear

about me, about my life, about my failings, my never good enoughs

the more you hope, the less likely it will happen

don’t dream; dreams don’t come true for people like you

people like you don’t have friends, aren’t wanted, never needed, never loved

forget the new age bullshit; there is no beauty inside

forget the therapist crap: being unique means ostracism

you step on the land mind you’ve set for yourself

you’re mired in your own shit, and there you’ll stay

SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP

But they will never stop until I do

no matter how I try to not listen; try letting the medication tell different stories

trying to believe they lie; trying to hold on to good, to positive;

playing music til there is no room in my mind for anything but riffs, chords, clefs.

But there is always that empty moment when . . .

they are the voices of my inescapable, unchangeable, forever, horrible p-p-f truths; how can I not but listen?

aren’t we always told to tell the truth?

 

I’m so afraid by Fleetwood Mac

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4 thoughts on “STFU (warning explicit language throughout)

the time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things . . .

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