image: “antler sheds,” wildergood.com via Bing.com
The barkeep experienced a presentiment of trouble when we thirsty outdoorsmen, in our Thunderbay dinner jackets. 2 ordered an all you can drink methuselah of the house swill. He whispered in Dahlia’s eye/ear to be careful, “They’s evil, I tells ya.”3
Dahlia, who worked out at the Transfuse Gym daily, easily hefted her tray, wine bottle and 6 stem-less wine glasses, and sashayed over to our table. The more she sassed and shayed, the better the tips. I’d dated her for a while so I knew her wily ways from when she’d worked at the mlmm bar and grill uptown.
As she placed glasses in front of Fred and George, not the brightest of bulbs – together they made up about a watt — looked at each other. “Must’ve been a fight or a wedding, cause these wine glasses ain’t got a leg to stand on,” Fred said. George agreed, “Sure is funny looking – good thing you ain’t” he added eyeing Daisy’s ample and plucky bosom. Not a smart thing to do. She was always “Kung Fu Fighting” 4 like Kwai Chang Caine. 5
This time, though, she was evasive and didn’t break any of George’s bones. She just stared at him over the rim of a glass. Dahlia’s stares left you struggling for air. “I’m not into martial arts anymore,” she hissed at George. “Good thing for you,” I said. “Let’s toast to that.”
Thinking maybe I should start up with her again, I sought to impress her with the residuals of our hunt. Automatic weapons leave nice little pieces of antlers. 6 After I put a handful on her tray as a tip, she evoked the fourth rule, and pinned me to the floor, and not in a pleasurable way. “Did I tell you I joined PETA,” she said, just before I blacked out.
1 not a misspell, a play on hart as a name for a deer
2 plaid “lumber jack” shirts or jackets made of flannel and preferably in black and red check (a Canadian thing)
3 Grandpa Simpson, during a Simpson’s episode
4 Song, Ku Fu Fighting (1974) by Carl Douglas. One of best selling singles of all time. Chorus: “Everybody was Ku Fu Fighting/Those kids were fast as lightning/In fact, it was a little bit frightening/But they fought with expert timing.” Blending the Asian martial arts movies with disco music.
5 Main character in Kung Fu, 1970s television series starring David Carradine as a Shaolin monk travelling through 19th century Western America.
6 Idea from a Doonesbury cartoon about the NRA pronouncement that Americans had the right and need to hunt with semi-automatic weapons. After blasting away multiple rounds, all that was left was an antler tip.
A wordle-based story with footnotes. Inspired by Wordle 118, by Yves at Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie.
@ adh [a darkened house] 2016