journaling day 3: 01.01.17

challenge

Did all sorts of investigations into adding a blog to an existing blog – used to be able to now seems difficult. Did learn how to make a blog private, and invite viewers. I don’t know if anyone would want to read my inner rantings and wordless days.

Struggling with food all day – finally gave into a muffin, but that just stretched the stomach out more. Not eating causes horrible pains, eating causes pains and the feeling of my skin getting stretched. Why feels like always manic – always urges unmet.

Pain bad in jaw again. Either increase dose of tegretol, get bp down for Novocain or beg for pain medications. Get tooth fixed to help, but deep, never ending pain just won’t go away. Made me age (along with back and leg pain) 5 to 10 years in 2. Holds me back.

I can’t take another year of nothing – can’t take another year of me. Not the isolated, worthless, useless life I lead – doing nothing – not even going for walks or doing yoga. 

Getting too sad. Nothing day. Tired again to tidy up – few boxes up to the attic. Mostly slept and ate. Usual day. Pain a 9 most of the time. Now crossing over to other side. Wonder if moist heating pad I ordered will make any difference. Pain eats at my jaw bone. Eats at my brain.